if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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