I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
