This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
