I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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