6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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