What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
