Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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