i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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