Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
