found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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