do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
