I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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