What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
