I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
