Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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