Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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