I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i think i have two assholes
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
