using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
