Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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