I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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