Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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