Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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