I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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