I think my vagina is haunted
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize