He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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