very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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