And the cops told us we were all naked.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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