Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
