no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
