it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
