idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
