just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
