i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
