A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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