I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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