thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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