It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Randomize
