Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
