we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
