She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
