Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
