we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
