he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
