so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
