i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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