Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
