guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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