theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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