I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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