threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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