p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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