I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
