oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
