chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
